


sweet dreams

by auspice



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 is briefly mentioned, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, i noticed there is a distinct lack of Good Saeran Fics so i wrote my damn own
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-18
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-09-09 10:27:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8887417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auspice/pseuds/auspice
Summary: saeran's afraid of meeting his mother in his dreams. he couldn't go through it again; couldn't, could not.
but you're here, here with him. and maybe, just maybe,
that's what he needed all along.





	

saeran never sleeps peacefully.

he’s almost afraid of sleeping; the thought of reliving the past leaves him sweating and shaking for hours to come when he wakes, with eyes wide and hands grasping his own shoulders, to find some semblance of reality.

so saeran choi doesn’t sleep.

at least not regularly. 

the boy stays up until he passes out from exhaustion--those days, he doesn’t dream.

it’s his regular cycle, he hardly cares about his own health. yes, he’ll take his meds. yes, he’ll go out and spend some time in the sun. yes, he’ll talk with you both when he needs to, even during his episodes, instead of shying away. and yes, he’ll even go to therapy for you and saeyoung (so long as you both come with him; being around strangers make him feel ill).

but he refuses to sleep. refuses to see his mother in his dreams, or his so-called savior.

no matter how many times you’ve tried to get him to maintain a regular sleep cycle--staying up with him and pressuring him to sleep, until you pass out yourself--you’ve always failed. even saeyoung couldn’t convince him, no matter with all the bribing in the world (these consist of a variety of sweets that, frankly, saeran doesn’t know how his brother acquired them. as tempting as it was, though, he refuses, and thieves the sweets later at night anyways).

the boy is stubborn. but he can tell you are too. yes, things are getting better between him and his brother; he’s trying his best and saeyoung is, too, but there is something tender about the way you treat him. there is something distinct about you when compared to saeyoung, a unique tenderness to your words and actions that are wholly different from his brother. 

maybe he’s thinking too much tonight. the moon is full, but its light grows colder the longer he looks at it.

the sky, though...his eyes are fixated among the little stars, seemingly suspended in dark, heavy blankets of blue. how nice it would be, to play amongst those stars. there is a little knock on the door and he immediately tenses; something primal grips him, but upon hearing your voice, it fades.

“saeran, you’re still awake aren’t you? can i come in?”

“...you’re not going to try and pressure me to sleep again, are you?”

“no… i know you’re not going to listen to me anyways.”

he smiles at that; a little one. “you’re getting smarter i see. come in.”

he always kept his door unlocked--you could’ve come in any time without asking, but he knows you know that he’s obsessively alert of any and every little noise that went on in his little room. so you open the door quietly and slink in just as quietly too. saeran peers at you from his spot on the floor, before turning sea-green eyes to gaze out the window.

“you must really love the sky” you hum, and he nods idly in agreement. you shuffle close, then, “can i sit here?”

“you don’t have to ask,” saeran instinctively responds.

“but i want to.”

he doesn’t say anything to that; what could he say to that?

“so, what constellations can you see tonight?” he looks at you curiously--you knew of his stargazing habit?

he turns his gaze upwards, pressing a finger upon the cool glass towards a group of stars, tracing the outline idly. “there’s andromeda, right there, chained by her mother as a sacrifice...and perseus, with his sword, coming to save her from the sea monster.” his voice is soft, almost dream-like as he speaks of the stars ever so fondly, hand falling into his lap...he wonders if one day he’ll be a star. “i hope you can see them.”

“i can. thank you for telling me--greek mythology has always been an interesting thing.” he looks at you--fully, this time. you, with your face lit up by the moonlight, stars reflecting themselves in your eyes. he wonders, then, if you’re already a star.

no wonder he’s always felt so warm by your side.

“you don’t have to thank me for common knowledge. people don’t find greek myth interesting.” he tears his gaze from you--you didn’t catch him staring, thank god--and resorts to picking the scabs off his arm; why did you bother complimenting him? he didn’t do anything noteworthy. he didn’t do much at all, in fact, and your compliments leave him feeling a little cold. 

his mother, she was two-faced, overwhelmingly so.

you giggle lightly, pressing your palm against the glass, over the two dancing constellations of andromeda and perseus. “i think it’s interesting. and a lot of people don’t really study mythology, don’t you think?” 

saeran jumps when your hand secures itself gently against his wrist, almost recoiling from the touch with a hiss. your gaze is intense, but they do not beguile false kindness. “hey...why are you scratching at your cuts? i’m sorry if i said anything to upset you.”

oh. you noticed.

“no, that’s… that’s not it,” saeran tugs his arm from your grasp, slipping easily through your fingers. “i didn’t mean to make you feel that way, i just… it’s. it’s just a bad habit is all. you don’t have to worry about me, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry--i can’t help it, sorry, i--”

and, oh, his voice is shaking. he can’t bring himself to look at you, keeps his gaze away. he wanted to lash out, push you away--it’s what he knew best, it’s almost instinct, ingrained into his psyche. yes, he can’t get hurt this way, can’t be harmed if everyone hated and feared him.

but saeran doesn’t push you away. he doesn’t yell at you or hit you, doesn’t do anything. he rubs at his right shoulder (god, that tattoo on his arm. he hated it, hated it so much, tried so many times to gouge it out of his skin), almost curling within himself. yes, he’s scared, but this isn’t like his mother or rika. it’s not primal fear--not like his dreams.

“saeran,” you breathe, and suddenly he’s in your arms.

his first instinct is to push you away;

but you’re warm, you’re soft, your hair tickles his cheek and your fingers weave through scruffy crimson hair, and he thinks, oh, maybe this isn’t so bad, because you would never raise a hand against him, would never raise your voice against him no matter how frustrated you got, would never get upset at him for taking a few steps back after a few steps forward. you were patient with him; he could be patient with you, too.

so slowly he hugs you back, clings onto you as his vision blurs hotly. saeran presses his face into your shoulder and then everything floods out of him like a storm. his sobs come in waves and he can’t bring himself to speak. 

but your words, oh, why were you speaking so kindly to him? telling him that you’re proud of him, that he doesn’t need to be afraid anymore, that he’s so important to you and saeyoung. how? how could you be so nice? 

saeran doesn’t understand as he weeps into your shoulder. his tears are salt on his tongue.

yes, his mother was janus, and his savior was too. they were both janus, and they both mocked him of his past and future. filled his mind with doubts and hate, blooming like an ugly rose.

and here you are, and here he is, clinging so tight onto you. oh god, he hoped you weren’t another janus. oh, please, don’t be another janus.

his words spill out incoherently, each choked and raspy. he’s so pathetic. so vulnerable. saeran expects you to push him away any time, for him to hit the floor--but nothing comes, only your scent and your heat, your quiet breathing and your little love letters whispered into his ear. 

you tell saeran that you love him. you tell saeran that you’ll be here for him. you tell saeran that you’ll try your best to make the present fateful for him. you tell saeran that he isn’t alone. you tell saeran that you couldn’t be more proud of him for making it through everything on his own. you tell saeran that he’s one of the strongest and bravest men you know. you tell saeran that you love him.

and he tells you, “i love you too,” and kisses you underneath that starry window, the celestial audiences.

**Author's Note:**

> i rarely edit my fics because if i do, i'd probably just delete the whole thing. so take it, while it's nice and fresh, hot from the press, and before i regret ever writing this lmao
> 
> i think this is like one of the longest fics i've ever written, too, so that just goes to show how bad i am at writing things
> 
> but if you liked it, please let me know.....it'd be greatly appreciated ; w;


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